Do you live in quarantine? Are you unable to get help from teachers, grandparents, nannies, or other family members? Are you finding it more difficult to deal with the constant stress of staying home and caring for the baby, as well as the chores of household chores? You might feel more overwhelmed and give in to your emotions.
Anger and frustration are universal human emotions. Although emotions are not always good or bad, we need to be aware of how they affect us. Adults are responsible for their reactions, and should be aware of the effects they can have on loved ones.
You have to be more cautious about how these emotions are handled as a parent. It’s not about upsetting your loved ones, but also about teaching your children certain patterns.
Let’s face it, being a parent can be a difficult job. Sometimes, you may just need a break to go to the bathroom or take a quick shower. Or maybe you are naive and want to enjoy your coffee alone when someone calls out to you or is crying for help. You might try to explain the rules calmly hundreds of times, but your little one doesn’t seem to be paying attention. These conditions are not conducive to patience, so you may end up screaming. Parents most commonly vent their frustration and anger at their children by yelling at them. This is not because they are trying to discipline their children, but because they feel overwhelmed and exhausted. This is a much more natural reaction than any other strategies that require self-control and mental effort. Parents may not know how to manage their emotions well, but they aren’t often put in difficult situations that make it more challenging.
Is it okay to yell at your child. Research shows that children who hear their parents shout at them are more likely become physically or verbally aggressive. Children feel unsafe and helpless when adults yell at them. Long-term consequences include anxiety, aggression and low self-esteem.
Even if the child is misbehaving, a calm parent can make him feel safe, loved and accepted. It is crucial that the message to the child is clear: “You are loved, allowed to make mistakes, I accept and appreciate you as a person, and I don’t agree with what you’re doing right now.” You’re not being a good person right now/I don’t like what you’re doing.” It is important that we distinguish between the child’s personality and their actions. It’s important to do the same for yourself. Even if I make mistakes or don’t behave correctly, I am still worthy of love. This does not mean we should just say that and continue to behave in inappropriate ways, but that we must take responsibility for our actions and strive to improve.
These are some ways to deal with anger and frustrations more effectively:
1. See how your reactions affect those around you. What does the child feel? What did you want? Are the results of this mode discipline lasting or do they fade with your anger?
You may feel a lot guilty now that you have answered the questions. This is not the point. Guilt might not be helpful right now. You could avoid eye contact with your child, hoping he will forget. Or, it could cause you to forgive your child and make sure you have a conversation about the incident.
You won’t see any positive results from any of the actions you may be tempted to take as a result of guilt.
You can yell at the child if you feel insensitive or irritable. You should apologize to the child. Stress that your behavior was unacceptable and that you will do better. You don’t need to be perfect in order to be a role model for your child, even if you are a parent. It is important to learn from your mistakes and not try to make excuses. Sometimes, we may believe that the actions we take are due to others. We could, for example, say we yelled at the child because I didn’t understand something or because he doesn’t do what he should. We scream because there is no better way to explain it.
2. Take a break.
If you find yourself angry, let your child know. The child might feel excluded or rejected if you leave the room without saying anything. After you’ve calmed down and spoken with the child, return to the issue.
Sometimes, you might not be able to physically take a break or withdraw from the situation because of something that scared you. If your child was playing with something forbidden or dangerous, you should first ensure their safety. Then you can take a break. You may also call upon your partner to help you temporarily until you calm down.
This is a good time to stop yelling and take a deep breathe. You can then go back to your child and have a conversation about what went wrong.
3. Pick your battles.
Parents often stress over many things that the children desire, but they can temporarily allow them to happen. Is it worth your time and energy to insist that the child wears two different socks? This is how important it is to his safety and the values he wants to learn. Instead of trying to convince your child that this is important, let him decide what he wants.
You can’t always be there to ensure your child is doing the right things. He needs to make his own decisions and learn from the consequences.
4. Take a moment and notice what’s happening around you.
What sensations are you experiencing in your body? Instead of reacting impulsively, it might be a good idea to take a moment and notice what anger or frustration you are feeling. As if you were a spectator to this scene. What does this scene feel like to you? What is the source of this emotion? Is it in your head, the chest, the stomach or in other parts? Pay attention to how your breathing changes. Is your hand shaking? Are you feeling more anxious? You can take a step back whenever you feel angry and see the situation from a different angle. This will allow you to consciously decide what to do next. What are you going do now to say to your child?
5. To understand what is going on, take advantage of the moment of observation or pause I mentioned above.
What did you do? What did you do? Have you been beaten? Have you been harmed by someone? You can find better solutions if you know what’s happening and what you are most concerned about in each situation.
6. It is important to try to understand the perspective of your child.
Sometimes, we get mad because we know that we have repeated the same thing hundreds times. The child doesn’t understand or wants to do what we tell him. We start to believe that he manipulates and spites us. It’s obvious that it is difficult to calm down when we see things like these. It will be easier to remain calm if we can see that the child may not be mature enough to respond as we expect or have not learned a better way to do so. Sometimes, it is important to examine how we present the problem to our child. Is it clear enough? Does it suit his understanding level? Are we consistent with our behavior? We might need to change how we approach the problem to achieve different results. Sarah Ockwell Smith says, “If you tell a child something 1000 times and they still don’t understand it, it’s not the child who is a hard learner.”
7. Relaxation exercises and mind training exercises can be done.
The mind can be described as a muscle that must be trained. You can train your attention so that you get out of the rut of angering thoughts and instead move it to another perspective. We can learn to control our reactions so that we don’t react impulsively but instead choose how we speak and behave in every moment. Ask yourself, “What type of parent am I looking to be?” What model should I give my child? “, “What model would I offer my child? “.
Most likely, it won’t happen the first time. To change your behavior, you need to exercise. You also need patience and time. Like your child, you are human. You can make mistakes from time to time. It’s important to revisit the situation and talk calmly with your child about it. No matter what age, be honest about your reactions and offer to apologize. Explain to the child that anger caused you to choose the worst course of action.
It doesn’t take a perfectionist parent to raise a child. Your job is to provide a safe place for your child where he can feel loved, accepted, and grow.
Success!